Category Archives: Mormon humor

The Refrigerator Song and The Llama Song: But don’t get the wrong idea

 

Llamas on an Idaho Farm

We definitely have llamas in Idaho.    You’ll find them on farmland all over. They are farm animals, and pack animals.

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But you won’t find any llamas in the Pocatello Zoo.  Our local zoo is dedicated to species native to South East Idaho.

 

But even in Idaho, there is such a thing as poetic license.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a baby lama and its mother in the hills south of Pocatello.  thNK63NWKVSo naturally, as we were driving home, I sang about a baby llama and its mama llama.

And by the time I got home, I had The Llama Song. 

 

 

 

But there’s a reason I’m worried.

I wouldn’t bother clearing up the purpose of the Pocatello Zoo if I hadn’t already gotten into trouble because people have taken my songs seriously.

Back in 1976, my missionary companion, Sister Jensen, wasted a good amount of time looking for the toothpicks she assumed we had in our cupboard.   Why did she assume we had toothpicks?  Because I had written them into a song.

The song was about finding a package of Onion soup mix (which we did have in our cupboard) thYP21UWHXand lamenting that we had little more than that because our refrigerator was broken and the repairman still hadn’t come.  We did have some seasonings you might expect in an apartment cupboard.th1XBUUI6N  And we had some food sticks (a 70s fad food)thG1L1ZRJ9 and some enchilada sauce mix, thCYTQ2L4Rand some hardtack.th7QH3YOT5  But no toothpicks.

So as early as 1976, I found myself apologizing for misleading a servant of God through my lyrics.  She was not amused that I had rhymed “soup mix” with non-existent “toothpicks.”

The Refrigerator Song

Chewy chocolate food sticks
And a seasoning mix for enchiladas.
I can’t believe that all we’ve got is that.

Our refrigerator
Hasn’t worked for at least a week now.
Nothing to eat (of which to speak) now left.

Oregano leave and bullion cubes,
Vinegar and vanilla,
Meat tenderizing marinade, and monosodium glutamate.
Half of a cracker on a plate.

Wait!  I found some hardtack
In the back of the cupboard near the toothpicks!
Here is a pack of onion soup mix, too.

I am so excited.
Once again, the Lord’s provided
Food for our lunch and life another day.
Sister, I think it’s your turn.  Will you pray?

He loves his lilies in the field.
His eye is on the sparrow.
He knows the things we really need.
Faith, as a grain of mustard seed
Moves mountains.  And yes, it even feeds
Missionaries.

Sister, in your prayer can
You remember the refrigerator repairman?
Ask if the Lord will please provide him, too.
But, until then, the onion soup will do.
oOo

So, before you hear The Llama Song, here is my disclaimer:

“There are no llamas in the Pocatello Zoo.”

The Llama Song

There was a baby llama
And a mama llama
And a papa llama, too.
And they said, “One day, we’re gonna make our way
To the Pocatello Zoo.”

So the mama llama said, “Come on, let’s go!”
Romping through the hills of Idaho

You’ll find the baby llama
And the mama llama
And the papa llama, too.

oOoth2RLNRQRP

You can find more of my songs and children’s stories at MrsMiddlejoy.com.

Those Maybe-I-Ought-To-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues Again

I finally made it into a studio and recorded this song I’ve been promising my friends.  You have to imagine me singing this as a single, young Mormon girl in a small college town in Oregon, about 1973.   Everyone knew I had only one wish:  to find the man of my dreams and start a family.

Unfortunately, the Latter-day Saint population of Monmouth, Oregon was small — and the unmarried male part of that population was not interested in being any part of my dreams.

I am amazed that 40 years later, when I reconnected with friends from Monmouth, this song is the first thing they asked about.  So, better late than never, here is the only known recording of this song.

Click here to see the lyrics.

I’d love any comments.

Those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues

Sue sings to the Monmouth Ward in 1973Hard to believe it, but it’s the 40th Anniversary of “Those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues.”  (Which is a cute way of saying I turn 60 next month.)

Also hard to believe, is that no fewer than three of you from my college days who I recently reconnected with, mentioned this song when you accepted my friend request.  (See, I do know how to use the word “fewer,” despite the license taken with “less” in the lyric.)

So by popular demand…well, actually because Dr. Gary Huxford asked…here are the lyrics to that song that takes you back to 1973 in Monmouth, Oregon, to the school then known as Oregon College of Education, and the young Mormon girl who couldn’t find a man.

Those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues

Here in a college town in Oregon
I’m trying to go to school and still have fun.
But if you really want to know the truth,
When I see how I’m spending my youth
I get those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues.

I teach the three-year olds in Sunday School.
I’m trying to keep the faith and still keep cool.
I know an awful lot of nice young men
Under the age of ten.
I get those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues.

“OCE, We Hail Thee.”  I wouldn’t want to roam.
You’ve become my second home.
It’s not as if you’ve failed me,
But I’d sure like to try my smiles
On a few more Saints and less Gentiles.

I spend my lonely Saturday evenings
Preparing for my Sunday meetings.
And that’s all right, only
I’m so terribly lonely.
I get those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues.

The Ladies of Relief Society
Have vowed to find the perfect man for me.
But I’m so tired of brief romances
At annual regional dances.
I get those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues.

“Be Kind to Your Non-member Friends…”
But that doesn’t mean that you should date the men.  So,

I spend my lonely Saturday evenings
Preparing for my Sunday meetings.
And that’s all right, only
I’m so terribly lonely.
I get those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues.

Still, deep down in my heart, I want to stay.
I can’t quite remember the reason,
But I thought of one the other day.
And so I’d like you all to know
I’m not really going to go.
‘Cause I wouldn’t trade the lot of you
For all the men at BYU….

Wash my mouth out with soap.

I’ve got those Maybe-I-Ought-to-Break-Down-and-Go-to-Utah Blues!

oOo

Dr. Huxford, if that’s not enough to help you remember the tune, I guess I’ll have to get a Sound Cloud account….

oOo

Coincidentally, a high percentage of friends I grew up with in Oregon, live in Utah now.

And our California friends who think of Marc and me as Utahans?  Now you know how that happened:  I broke down in 1977, and there was Marc at BYU.